Faith Conversations Everywhere: Friendly Visits and Conversations with Discipleship Depth

Turning Friendly Visits into Discipleship Building Blocks

“Let no harmful language come from your mouth, only good words that are helpful in meeting the need, words that will benefit those who hear them.” - Eph. 4:29, Complete Jewish Bible[1]

“Pleasant words are flowing honey, sweet to the taste and healing to the bones.”  - Prov.16:24, Common English Bible[2]

Imagine two scenarios:

1. “I know I should visit Sam, but I don’t know what to say,” you think to yourself as you leave church, while feeling a tad guilty. Let’s turn this into a celebration of discipleship. You can do this! You already know how to be a friend and how to have a conversation. Three simple questions can turn your conversation from friendly to spiritual friendship—discipleship!
2. You are talking with someone who says, “I grew up in the church, but I’m not active. I’m not even sure I believe much in prayer (or God, or church…).” “No problem,” you reply, “I’m here to accept you just the way you are. Let’s talk.”

Now that’s not the end of spiritual conversation, just a switch to another way of talking about important stuff.

There is a way to talk about spiritual things that isn’t religious or unique to a particular tradition. It’s also a great way to start a caring, respectful conversation with a follower of Christ who is focused on other life realities. Three spiritual ingredients and three application questions can get you started.

The three basic spiritual ingredients of faith-filled conversations are: 

1. Meaning and direction: Making sense of the world, how it works, and individual purpose in it.
2. Self-worth and belonging: Understanding personal value and place in a community.
3. Reconciliation and forgiveness: Restoring broken relationships and releasing anger or resentment, so that one can love and be loved.

Three simple application questions to ask for starting a meaningful conversation, correlated to the three spiritual ingredients are: 

1. What is most meaningful to you in this experience? Tell me more!
2. What gives you strength right now? How can you build on that?
3. What doesn’t fit your picture of “how things are supposed to be”? What can you try to adjust the fit? 

Start with those spiritual ingredients and application questions, and add lots of listening, and you will be on the right path. God’s movement happens from your presence and willingness to listen. So, relax, be yourself, and trust that listening can be a holy tool of spiritual friendship in conversation and silence.

Prepare for your visit by completing a few simple tasks: Jot down some notes about the individual you’ll be visiting. Consider the spiritual ingredients list and application questions, then center yourself in God’s presence. Take a deep breath. If this is new to you, it is a skill that takes practice. By showing up, listening, and having a pleasant conversation, you are offering spiritual care. It is that simple! Dare to fail. Dare to trust God!

Be gentle on yourself. You won’t do everything “right,” but God will. Remember John Wesley’s three simple rules for faithful living, paraphrased by Bishop Reuben Job in Three Simple Rules: A Wesleyan Way of Living: Do no harm; do good; stay in love with God. These will help you stay on track.

Along with listening for the three spiritual ingredients of meaning and direction, self-worth and belonging, and reconciliation and forgiveness, remember that open-ended questions are powerful partners in the visit. Open-ended questions don’t have “yes” or “no” answers. For example, instead of directly asking, “Are you worried about how this will turn out?” you can ask, “What do you understand about your situation at this point?” Open-ended questions give your conversation partner room to reflect, think through a topic, and gauge the response. “Would you tell me the story behind that?” is a great follow-up question that demonstrates care and builds trust.

If you want to nurture faith in others, remember that it’s okay to take your time. God works through many conversations.

Prayer:

All-Loving One, wrap my conversations with the power of a caring presence. Let the Spirit move in the words and the silences to do amazing things.

Reconciling One, use what we bring to make the broken whole. Thank you. Amen.

Note: The genesis of this article is the Spiritual AIM tool (Assessment and Intervention Model), https://spiritualaim.org/.

See also Michele Shields, Allison Kestenbaum, and Laura B. Dunn. “Spiritual AIM and the Work of the Chaplain: A Model for Assessing Spiritual Needs and Outcomes in Relationship,” Palliative and Supportive Care 13, no. 1 (2015): 75–89. https://doi.org/10.1017/S1478951513001120.

About the Author:

Dave Harris is passionate about creating communities of audacious love and thriving life. He coaches, teaches, speaks, mentors, and serves as a chaplain and an elder in the Eastern Pennsylvania Conference of the United Methodist Church. Love is nurtured with his wife, kids, and grandkids. Born in this rich foundation are both faith and his motto, "Live Love" (see Mt. 22:37-40). Being curious about life stories and journeying together with others energizes Dave.

Want to know more? Reach out to Dave at [email protected].