Develop a Discipleship System
Holy Friendship Versus Heartless Scams: Churches Can Make a Difference in Decreasing Loneliness
By Marikay Green
All too often on Facebook or other social media, I have someone, usually of the opposite gender, reach out to comment on my social media posts to tell me that they find my photo and posts enchanting, but for some reason they cannot send me a connection or friend request and would like to get to know me better.
As a single, widowed, older middle-aged woman, I am the target demographic of a lonely person and a good candidate for someone trying to convince me that “he” is just who I need to fulfill me and take care of me. Of course, he hopes to take advantage of any resources I may have.
I am aware, through my background and training as a former case manager and an adult protective services investigator for a county office on aging, that all too often, this person represented on social media is not someone really interested in me, but in what he thinks he can get from me. If I did not have a circle of friends, loved ones, my career, or my church, it would be easy to give in to the attention this person appears to want to give me.
Churches can play a role in helping older adults avoid becoming victims of scammers who like to focus on what I call the “Lonely Heart Club.” Churches have the tools to help older adults avoid being caught in these scams by being what churches are meant to be—intentional faith communities that love and support one another. As we care for one another, we help minimize the feelings of loneliness.
Churches have the tools to help older adults avoid being caught in these scams by being what churches are meant to be—intentional faith communities that love and support one another.
Before you say, “We do not have the people, the means, or the training to do that,” understand that you do not need any special training or a lot of people. You need the people you have and the willingness to use your resources.
Here are five ways a church could help reduce loneliness in older adults.
- Host a lunch bunch, a “lunch and learn,” or a “lunch date with friends.” Invite older adults to bring a bag lunch or have a simple potluck/covered dish to eat together. Use the time to share, listen, and love one another. Have a themed event, play games, or make something together (cards or notes for those who cannot get out). Invite people from various agencies or programs to discuss what services they provide, offer, or ways older adults can get involved.
- Create a buddy program. Set up two older adults, an older adult and a younger person, or a family and an older adult to become buddies in the church who visit, call, and do things together, such as crafts, reading a book together, shopping, visiting a local park, a museum, or the movies. These buddies could also cook or bake together, listen to their stories, and record them for posterity.
- Set up a “Phone a Friend” program. Each one calls one. This can be done from the comfort of one’s home. A volunteer commits to calling and checking weekly or every other week on an older person who lives alone. This kind of care is also appropriate for helping isolated caregivers. We tend to forget about those who cannot get out and attend church because we do not see them regularly. Older adults who may not be able to get out can also call other older adults to check in and create connections. Having them participate in this way fosters inclusion and value.
- Create a culture in the church where it is okay to ask questions and share concerns without ridicule. Older adults, like others, do not want to look foolish, and scammers will encourage them not to tell anyone what is happening. This use of fear, isolation, and the older adults’ need not to look foolish will often keep them from sharing a need, question, or concern.
- Share information and regular reminders of various scams that often target older adults, including grandparent, romance, and government scams.
The challenge to your church is to decide what you CAN do to reduce loneliness by loving all your congregation and demonstrating that everyone matters. People who are not so lonely will not likely be drawn to look for love, value, and attention in all the wrong places, and the church will live out its calling to be the presence of Jesus in the world.
Marikay J. Green is the pastor of Willow Grove United Methodist Church in Willow Grove, Pennsylvania, serving in the Eastern Pennsylvania Annual Conference. She has been the full-time pastor there since July 2024. Before this appointment, Marikay served seventeen years in the Great New Jersey Annual Conference as a bivocational part-time local pastor and an employee of the Salem County Office on Aging and Disabilities, where she worked for more than thirty years. Marikay is a widow with one adult child, Eilisse, who lives in Southern California.
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