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Real Men Don't Worship

A provocative article titled "Are Churches Too Feminized for Men?" appeared in the June 30, 2006, edition of The United Methodist Reporter. Written by Managing Editor Robin Russell, the article discussed the absence of men in churches today and reasons for it, in part relying on the book, Why Men Hate Going to Church by David Murrow (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, Inc., 2005). Here are some of the statistics of today's testosterone-deficient churches:

  • Ninety percent of American men believe in God, and five out of six claim to be Christian (according to Barna Research Group), but only two out of six attend church.
  • One out of three attendees are men; two out of three are women. This is the case in 70 percent of United Methodist churches, 55 percent of Baptist churches, and 25 percent of nondenominational churches.
  • One-fourth of married women attend church without their husbands.
  • Lack of men in church is a predictor of church decline.

Here are some of the reasons for the lack of male worshipers, according to the article:

  • "[Men] must watch [their] language, mind [their] manners, and be extra polite."
  • Sunday School teachers are mostly women.
  • Other than serving on a committee or ushering, there aren't many "manly" things about church.
  • Church expects men to be religious rather than real.
  • Churches today proclaim a faith consisting of "having an unconditional love relationship" with Jesus, an idea that appeals to women more than to men.
  • Feminization of the church can be traced back to the twelfth century and the rise of female orders, and when the "mystic Bernard of Clairvaux popularized the metaphor of the Church as the Bride of Christ."
  • Holding hands and praying, small-group sharing, and emotional displays seem more like a "ladies club" than worship that might appeal to a man.
  • There are few opportunities for men to hear and talk about life issues that matter to them: the workplace, responsibilities to wives and families, sports.
  • There are very few service opportunities involving activities such as fixing cars, building and repairing houses, landscaping, or maintenance.
  • There are more opportunities for gifts of nurturing and community than for building.
  • Male pastoral leaders are diminishing in numbers.
  • There is a lack of adventure, challenge, and "in-your-face" sermons.
  • Pastors more often develop themes of Jesus' tender and empathetic side than his strong, confrontational, challenging side.
  • Pastors tend to preach long boring sermons rather than a sermon of shorter segments, punctuated with a song, drama, or video clip.
  • Feminine terminology prevails, talking about the lost and the saved. We talk about the need to have a personal relationship with Jesus rather than a call to hear and take up Christ's command to "Follow me!"

Observations on music and the arts in worship:

  • "Blue-haired ladies" play the organ.
  • The quiet, expressive praise and worship music that emphasizes emotional needs is better suited to women than men.
  • The church as the Bride of Christ results in everyone taking on a feminine role and relationship, a metaphor continued in much of contemporary music's "love songs to Jesus."
  • Young girls and women in tightly fitting, flowing dresses with high slits performing liturgical dance are a distraction in worship.
  • Many praise songs have tender and loving lyrics set to sweet tunes, making men feel uncomfortable.
  • Pretty banners on the walls, dainty doilies on the furniture, floral arrangements and scented candles around the sanctuary confirm the church as a woman's place.
  • The loss of male language and imagery in hymns and liturgy, brought about by the rise of inclusive language, has resulted in language that is more neutered than inclusive.

The year 2006 is the 50th anniversary year of full ordination rights for women in The United Methodist Church. There have been new hymns, liturgies and prayers, worship services, books and articles, and grand and glorious gatherings in recognition and celebration… as there should be. Everyone celebrates the righting of past wrongs. Should we also be concerned with what is happening in the church with the disappearing men? In looking at some of the reasons mentioned above, we may be tempted to ask if it is right and just for men to feel that way. But we must get beyond that question and recognize the simple fact that many men DO feel that way and we must ask, "What shall we do about it?"

Questions about hymns and hymn singing:

  • Does this mean we should avoid singing "I Need Thee Every Hour" and "As the Deer" (The Faith We Sing, no. 2025)?
  • Should we sing more of "Rise Up, O Men of God," "Onward Christian Soldiers," "Lead On, O King Eternal," and "The Battle Hymn of the Republic"?
  • Which is better for the language of hymns: getting rid of male pronouns for God or using BOTH male and female pronouns for God?
  • Do men enjoy singing less than women? Is it socially more acceptable for women to sing than men? Has our culture trained men to disdain singing?
  • Do people respond differently according to the gender of those who lead music in worship? or those who preach the sermon? or those who lead committees?

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