Hospitality, Spiritual Types, and Sacred Cows

Two recent e-mail messages have raised perplexing issues for me. The first one, posted on the Methodist Musicians' Listserv,concerned one congregation’s hospitality in worship. It is the custom for the congregation to hold hands as they sing the same benediction each week. Some people leave worship early to avoid the hand-holding custom. The music director told of a visitor on a recent Sunday who needed to be tapped on the shoulder before she entered into the hand-holding and singing and seemed a bit shocked at the custom. One staff member related how she simply hates being touched and doesn’t want to participate. But the people will not enter into a serious discussion of it. It is one of their "sacred cows," and the musician sees no chance of changing it.

The other e-mail message made reference to "whacky anti-centering prayer" Christians. They devote considerable website and e-mail time and efforts in an organized campaign to remove centering prayer, meditation, importation, and use of eastern-based mystical practices, chanting of mantra-like words and phrases, labyrinths, etc., from Christian practice. The divide over such practices in the church today is as great as is the divide over what kinds of songs congregations should sing in worship, and the two are not unrelated.

The first message about holding hands leads to questions of welcome, hospitality, friendliness, openness, and demonstrating signs of caring and hospitality in worship. What is appropriate and what is not: kissing a friend? a stranger? someone you have seen in worship but don't know? How about hugging? touching an arm or a shoulder? holding hands? embracing, touching, or picking up small children? teenagers? adults of the same or the opposite sex? And what is the effect of placing one or more of these actions within the prescription of the liturgy and local customs of worship? Does it promote unity and community? Does it force an unnatural and perhaps unwelcome physical or emotional expression for some? Might it actually have the opposite effect on a person than what is intended? If a person is uncomfortable with such practice, will that person feel welcomed or violated? How does a congregation think about and determine for itself what is appropriate and desirable? Should the pastor or worship leader make that determination for them? Is it possible to incorporate those practices and yet give complete freedom to not participate in that practice? If so, how? If not, what should we do with such practices?

The second message raised a different, but related issue. We all know that within our congregations people are different. Some find deep meaning in extended silence, private meditation, physical breathing and relaxation techniques, candles and other atmospherics, chanting and Taizé worship, and the like, while others are only mystified and unsettled by those techniques. Some are moved and energized by a level of physicality in worship — standing, kneeling, moving, dancing, clapping, raising and waving hands, physical gestures, motions and sign language — while others prefer such practices on the dance floor or at the sports stadium and will not use them in worship. Physical embodiment of liturgy and acts of worship simply make some people uncomfortable, even angry and resentful of those who call for them.

These are significant issues for congregations and worship leaders to consider. People are different emotionally, physically, intellectually, and spiritually. How does the local church respond to the different spiritual types represented among its people? Should we decide what we want for ourselves and proceed each week? Is there a way to remain sensitive to people's differences in worship? Or should we avoid certain practices that may have a negative impact on some people? Are there lines that we must not cross, or can we approach them carefully? Should we decide what is best for our congregation and plow ahead, knowing that there are many other churches that will do things differently and some people will choose to go there instead?

However we choose to do liturgy and worship — and that is a choice we intentionally make week after week — we must not allow ourselves to think less of or question the faithfulness of those who do things differently than we do. People are different. Our formative experiences and paths are different. The challenge for us all is to balance personal spirituality and expression with hospitality and grace.

Is this possible?