Ecumenical Etiquette: Worshiping with and Toward Others

2006 was a milestone for United Methodists in establishing new relationships of sharing at the Table of the Lord. Two "Interim Eucharistic Sharing Agreements" have been achieved: one with the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America (See Confessing Our Faith Together: A Study and Discussion Guide [pdf format]) and, just a few days ago, one with the Episcopal Church USA. The agreement with the ELCA is a first step toward approval of full Communion, which could be achieved as early as our General Conference in 2008. The agreement with the ECUSA recognizes The United Methodist Church as a church in which the gospel is rightly preached, and it calls on both churches to continue work toward full Communion. Currently, ECUSA estimates this to be complete, perhaps, in 2012.

Although both agreements require further action by our highest legislative bodies, our churches are already free to live into deeper sharing of each other's ritual at Table. Several United Methodist and ELCA bishops have already begun a process of intentional sharing together and leading and encouraging congregations to do likewise. In the coming weeks and months, our bishops and ECUSA bishops will be consulting with one another to decide when and how to authorize co-celebration at Table between ordained United Methodist elders or bishops and Episcopal priests or bishops and which rituals may be commended for use in such circumstances.

Dining in the homes of different people with different cultures always requires a measure of learning one another's table manners. This is no less true when sharing at the Table of the Lord with others whose Table ritual may differ from our own in texts, ritual actions, or both. What I'd like to propose here is a set of basic rules of ecumenical etiquette as we seek to live more deeply into the mystery of the Lord's presence with us all while sharing with those with whom we may not have shared in this way before.

Rule 1: Be fully who you are and claim to be.
The agreements that we reach with other denominations for recognition and sharing in word, sacrament, and ministry always begin with our and their official ritual, teaching, and order. As we discuss our understanding of baptism with others, for example, we point to our "Articles of Religion," our "Confession of Faith," our teaching document By Water and the Spirit, provisions of the Book of Discipline, and our actual ritual as presented in our official hymnals (The United Methodist Hymnal 1989, Mil Voces para Celebrar, and Come, Let Us Worship) and book of worship (The United Methodist Book of Worship 1992). For Holy Communion,This Holy Mysteryhas been an especially vital resource. Since our ritual and the ritual of the aforementioned denominations — as they appear in official resources of each denomination — have been the basis for our sharing agreements, faithful use of our ritual or theirs should be the basis for actual acts of sharing.

Rule 2: Meet, study, and practice together.
United Methodist pastors and congregations are already authorized by our own teaching to use the ritual of Word and Table from other denominations, as long as their ritual is compatible with the pattern and teaching of our church. The rituals of the ELCA and the ECUSA are fully compatible with ours. However, everything will go much better if those who are proposing to share leadership at Table meet to get to know each other personally, to study the theology and ritual actions used in each other's ritual, and, perhaps, above all, to practice (rehearse, several times!) presiding together. Who will prepare the table and how? What gestures are used during the prayer? How will you stand so that you don't "bump arms" when you raise them? Who lifts the bread and cup? When? How high? Will you use the sign of the cross or bow at certain points? If so, how and when? Will you use a lavabo (a washing bowl)? Incense? Will water be poured into the chalice? What goes (and does NOT go) on the table, and when, and where? What elements will be used (both Lutherans and Episcopalians require the use of wine)? If you use both wine and grape juice, who will offer what? Where will each of you stand at different points in the prayer if you are co-celebrants? How will you arrange the prayer so that both of you can see it? If more than one of you is voicing the prayer of Great Thanksgiving, how will you coordinate who says what? Who will be served first? Last? And how will you as presiders serve and receive? How will the bread and cup be distributed? How will you notify the congregation how they will receive? How will you "clean up" afterward?

Rule 3: Meet, study, and practice with your congregation.
If the texts and rituals of each tradition are unfamiliar to those who may share in presiding, imagine how much more unfamiliar they may be to the congregations who share together! Remember, this prayer and its ritual acts are NOT just those of the presiders, but rather primarily those of the gathered community with their authorized presiders. If the primary actors don't know their lines and cues and don't understand well what they're praying, when they're doing what, how to do it, and why they're doing what they're doing, their performance may be disappointing, to say the least — not just to the presiders who watch as folks don't seem confident about what to do next, but especially to the congregation themselves! What should be a high moment of celebration could become instead awkward, chaotic, and ultimately disheartening.

This is where your role as teacher becomes very important for your congregation. You may have some folks in your congregation who know the traditions of others with whom you are sharing to teach alongside you — or even instead of you. Or you may invite folks from the congregation with whom you seek to share to join you. With the Evangelical Lutheran Church, you may use the study guidedescribed above for theological reflection. But perhaps the most important thing you can do is learn how to experience and embody the texts and ritual of the tradition you may share. Just as you will have rehearsed your performance as a presider with your counterpart, it will be good for you now to rehearse the performance of the congregation, using the ritual of the other tradition. Practice the responses. Practice the music. Practice saying any unfamiliar words. Talk through what they mean and how they relate to the words that may be more familiar to your congregation. Practice where to bow, where to stand, where to raise hands, where to use the sign of the cross, how to receive Communion, and what to do after Communion. Talk about what it all means as you work through and teach it. Treat this as a wedding rehearsal, for this is a rehearsal for a glorious celebration of the marriage supper of the Lamb!

Rule 4: Schedule regular, ongoing occasions for gathering together — for worship and work in the name of Christ.
Even with the study and sharing you may have done yourself and with your congregation prior to your first celebration together, such sharing will take time and practice together for it to become comfortable for all. If only for this reason, it is important to plan up front for more than one occasion for you and your partner congregation to share at Table.

But as Christians, sharing at Table is about much more than our comfort with one another and what we're doing together. Sharing at Table unites us in Christ and with one another, so that together we may be the body of Christ, redeemed by his blood, one in ministry to all the world. The power for our common ministry comes from the Holy Spirit poured out upon us and the gifts we share. So we need to plan for regular Communion together as we seek to work together.

But as one of the Eucharistic prayers in The Book of Common Prayer reminds, "Deliver us from the presumption of coming to this Table for solace only, and not for strength; for pardon only, and not for renewal." (Eucharistic Prayer C, p. 372). We might add to that, "for fellowship only, and not for power to live as faithful disciples and ambassadors of Jesus Christ." To live together as faithful disciples and ambassadors of Jesus Christ takes time, and that means scheduling. Plan and calendar times for common prayer, common worship, and common action. Perhaps start small, with mission projects your two congregations can share. But then plan big — for ways that mission action, and even the basic ministry structures of your congregations (Christian education, worship, outreach, evangelism, service, social witness), might be shared to improve your larger work and witness to all around you. Feeling good together around Table is simply not enough. The Lord desires to make us good and bearers of good news to all the world.

Living into fuller communion with our sisters and brothers of other churches may be awkward, even if we follow these four basic rules. But as we lean into the awkwardness, in worship, work, or witness, may we find in our leaning the answer to Christ's prayer that we all may be one.